Body Language Part 1

At HBS I have taken a course called Managing, Organizing and Negotiating for Value where one of the guests was Joe Navarro, an ex-FBI agent who specializes in non-verbal communication. The TV Show called Lie To Me is inspired and partially based on his book called What Every Body's Saying. A few weeks ago I ran into this book in the library and thought it would be interesting to share some of the guidance into the world of body language. In this part I will present the signals we receive and send with our lower body.

The Importance of Body Language

Body language is often more honest than an individual’s verbal pronouncements, which are consciously crafted to accomplish the speaker’s objectives because people are not always aware they are communicating nonverbally. Nonverbal behaviors comprise approximately 60 to 65 percent of all interpersonal communication and, during lovemaking, can constitute 100 percent of communication between partners.

The book talks about interpretation of body language and the signals we are sending to others. In very simple terms, there are basically two categories of movements or gestures: those that show comfort and those that show discomfort.

There are two of the three major “brains” within our cranial vault—the thinking neocortex brain and the more automatic limbic brain—that play a major role in our behavior. Both brains perform important functions. However, the limbic system is more important because it is the most honest brain—responsible for producing the most significant nonverbal signals for determining true thoughts and feelings.

When we experience a sense of comfort (well-being), the limbic brain “leaks” this information in the form of body language congruent with our positive feelings that show contentment and high confidence.

On the other hand, when we feel distressed (discomfort), the limbic brain expresses nonverbal behavior that mirrors our negative state of being, i.e. stress or low confidence. Whenever there is a limbic response—especially to a negative or threatening experience—it will be followed by so called pacifying behaviors.

The Most Common Pacifiers

When stressed, we might soothe our necks with a gentle massage, stroke our faces, or play with our hair. This is done automatically. Sometimes we pacify by rubbing our cheeks or our lips from the inside with our tongues, or we exhale slowly with puffed cheeks to calm ourselves. Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair.

Leg cleansing is one pacification behavior that often goes unnoticed because it frequently occurs under a desk or table (Fig 16). In this calming or pacifying activity, a person places the hand (or hands) palm down on top of the leg (or legs), and then slides them down the thighs toward the knee. Men normally use "ventilator", they put fingers between the shirt collar and neck and pull the fabric away from the skin (Fig 17).

In order to recognize the occurrence of pacifiers, one should first establish a "base line" of each person - their usual state of being when they are not in the state of comfort or discomfort.

When you see a person make a pacifying gesture, stop and ask yourself, “What caused him to do that?” You know the individual feels uneasy about something. Your job, as a collector of nonverbal intelligence, is to find out what that something is. Understand that pacifying behaviors almost always are used to calm a person after a stressful event occurs. Thus, as a general principle, you can assume that if an individual is engaged in pacifying behavior, some stressful event or stimulus has preceded it and caused it to happen.

Non-verbals of Feet and Legs

Surprisingly enough, the most honest part of our body is not our face but our feet. Namely, for millions of years, long before humans spoke, our legs and feet reacted to environmental threats (e.g., hot sand, meandering snakes, ill-tempered lions) instantaneously, without the need for conscious thought. Our limbic brains made sure that our feet and legs reacted as needed by either ceasing motion, running away, or kicking at a potential threat. This survival regimen, retained from our ancestral heritage, has served us well and continues to do so today. In fact, these age-old reactions are still so hardwired in us that when we are presented with something dangerous or even disagreeable, our feet and legs still react as they did in prehistoric times. First they freeze, then they attempt to distance, and finally, if no other alternative is available, they prepare to fight and kick. On the other hand, the face is the one part of the body that most often is used to bluff and conceal true sentiments.

Feet shifting direction can be an indicative sign (Fig 18). We tend to turn toward things we like or are agreeable to us, and that includes individuals with whom we are interacting. In fact, we can use this information to determine whether others are happy to see us or would prefer that we leave them alone.

From the hips up, we will face the person with whom we are talking. But if we are displeased with the conversation, our feet will shift away, toward the nearest exit. When a person turns his feet away, it is normally a sign of disengagement, a desire to distance himself from where he is currently positioned. When you are talking with someone and you note that he gradually or suddenly shifts his feet away from you, this is information you need to process.

Take note if a person who is sitting down places both hands on his knees in a knee clasp (Fig 19). This is a very clear sign that in his mind, he is ready to conclude the meeting and take leave. Usually this hands-on-knees gesture is followed by a forward lean of the torso and/or a shift of the lower body to the edge of the chair, both intention movements.

Happy feet are feet and legs that wiggle and/or bounce with joy (Fig 20). When people suddenly display happy feet—particularly if this occurs right after they have heard or seen something of significance—it’s because it has affected them in a positive emotional way.

Leg crossing is a particularly accurate barometer of how comfortable we feel around

another person; we don’t use it if we feel uncomfortable (Fig 23).

During high-comfort social interactions, our feet and legs will mirror those of the other person we are with (isopraxis) and will remain playful. In fact, in the extreme stages of comfort during courtship, the feet will also engage the other person through subtle foot touches or caresses.

During courtship, and particularly while seated, a woman will often play with her shoes and dangle them from the tips of her toes when she feels comfortable with her companion. Seated leg crosses are also revealing. When people sit side by side, the direction of their leg crosses become significant. If they are on good terms, the top leg crossed over will point toward the other person (Fig 24). If a person doesn’t like a topic his companion brings up, he will switch the position of the legs so that the thigh becomes a barrier (Fig 25).

When an individual suddenly turns his toes inward or interlocks his feet, it is a sign that he is insecure, anxious, and/or feels threatened (Fig 28). Interlocking ankles is again part of the limbic response to freeze in the face of a threat. Experienced nonverbal observers have noted how often people who are lying will not move their feet in an interview, seeming frozen, or they interlock their feet in such a way as to restrict movement. But a lack of movement is not in itself indicative of deception; it is indicative of self-restraint and caution, which both nervous and lying individuals utilize to assuage their concern. Some individuals take the interlocking feet or ankles one step further; they actually lock their feet around the legs of their chair (see figure 29).

Finally, foot and leg behavior is especially important to observe when you first meet people. It reveals a lot about how they feel about you. If they are not mirroring your body language, or drifting apart, they might simply need more space or are feeling uncomfortable. When you combine your knowledge of foot and leg non-verbals with signals from other parts of the body, you become even more capable of understanding what people are thinking, feeling, and intending to do.